


Like Father, Like Son

by Rein



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Slow Build, kaneki still did nothing wrong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-02-26 12:29:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2652107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rein/pseuds/Rein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amon isn't curious about the Eye Patch ghoul</p><p>Nor does he remind Amon of his disowned 'Father'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> let me just say that i really fucking love Donato Porpora
> 
> thank you for not eating Amon when he was younger

Kaneki was feeling listless and he didn’t know why.

The half-ghoul was fumbling his orders at Anteiku, either confusing the drinks or nearly breaking plates as he tried to serve the customers their orders. It got to the point that Touka excused herself, held a vice-grip on Kaneki’s collar, and dragged the poor soul to the backroom where she slammed him against the wall.

“What the hell is wrong with you today?!”

Kaneki gulped, trying to find something to look at that wasn’t her terrifying expression. He glanced up, settling on meeting her uncovered eye.

“I… I don’t know. I’m honestly trying my best...”

“Shut up, I don’t want to hear it. Get the hell out of here for tonight.”

Kaneki blinked. “Wait, but, I can still…”

“No,” And the gentle sternness in her voice took him by surprise. “It’ll only cause more trouble for the rest of us if you keep working in your state. Whatever ever it is, just take the day to relax.”  Kaneki could only slowly nod in agreement and she finally let go of his collar.

“Thanks, Touka-chan.” He said, smoothing down the front of his now wrinkled work shirt. She softly scoffed and turned away, heading back to the front. Kaneki headed to the back room to change out of his work clothes and into his normal attire. He said goodbye to Hinami, stopping for a few minutes when asked about some words in the book she was reading, then left into the bright afternoon day.

The only problem was Kaneki had no idea what to do.

He wasn’t even sure what the problem was. He only knew that he didn’t feel alright, like there were eyes watching his every move. With a shake of his head, he stopped that thought, deciding on a walk through the local park.

He stopped along the way at a small café, ordering a cup of black coffee. It tasted odd without the questionable sugar cubes he’d used but Kaneki had come to appreciate the bitter taste since his operation. He looked to the sky as he stepped out the café and smiled a bit.

It was beautiful out, the sky painted in oranges and reds as the sun started to set. As he neared the park, he could hear the laughter of children as they played, mothers happily watching their children, couples walking hand in hand, elderly enjoying the peaceful afternoon; all sorts of people milling around. Kaneki watched and he was struck with the fact that there were probably ghouls amongst them.

He had no way of knowing who was what and while he was still weary of ghouls, he wasn’t scared. His run in with Nishio and especially Tsukiyama weren’t the best starting impressions but Touka, Yoshimura and Hinami were the best ghouls he’d met so far. Yomo and Uta too but he’d be lying a little if he said they didn’t intimated him a little; Yomo for his unreadable, cool gaze and Uta because he was still a bit strange to Kaneki. There were ghouls that lived in peace, who weren’t murderers, whom simply wanted to live without fear.

It wasn’t fair they had to constantly be weary of themselves simply because of their need to eat flesh to survive. If ghouls didn’t need to eat humans, if they could eat anything else, then they wouldn’t be any different from humans.

Kaneki’s hands shook.

He remembered Hinami’s mother, sacrificing herself for her daughter, so she could live. There was an injustice in her death but no one but ghouls could understand that pain. Doves only saw murders and monsters; _things_ that needed to be eradicated.

Kaneki sighed, suddenly feeling drained. There was miscommunication between the two brought by fear and Kaneki couldn’t help but feel despair within him. He was so focused in his thoughts that Kaneki didn’t see the man in front of him until he rammed into him.

Kaneki stumbled back, about to fall but a firm hand on his bicep stopped him and he found himself being pulled back to his feet. But the cup of coffee slipped from his hands, the still hot drink splashing down his chest. He yelped, quickly pulling his sweater away from his chest before it burned him even more.

“Are you okay?” The man asked, worry evident in his tone.

Kaneki quickly stepped back, “I’m fine; I wasn’t watching where I was going.” He bent to pick up the empty cup. He was a little sad the rest went to waste. “Did any get on you…” His voice tethered out as he finally looked at the man he ran into.

It was the investigator he fought a few weeks ago. Kaneki immediately flinched away, averting his eyes.  Even though he was sure the man wouldn’t identify him since he wore his mask, it didn’t stop Kaneki from feeling anxious and flighty.

“I’m okay but what about you? It mostly spilled on you.” He said.

Kaneki quickly shook his head, backing away just a little bit more. “It wasn’t even that hot.” He said, hoping he could quickly end this conversation. Kaneki noticed the briefcase he carried. There was no doubt that this man was working at the moment. “I’m glad none got on you. I have to leave now, bye.”

Kaneki knew it was rushed and awkward but he really want to be away from this man. But the universe must have a fun sense a humor as the man grabbed Kaneki’s forearm, forcing the young man to stop in his tracks.

“I can’t just leave without helping you clean your sweater. I also wasn’t looking where I was walking so I’m partially responsible as well.”

Kaneki quickly shook his head. “No, you don’t have to… It’s fine, really…”

The man stared at Kaneki and Kaneki couldn’t help but notice he was a fairly attractive man. There really was no time last time to really get a good look since the man was coming at him with the intent to kill.

“Really, it’s fine.” Kaneki repeated, hoping the man would let him go soon.

“What if I get you a new cup of coffee?” He asked, releasing his hold on Kaneki’s arm. “Allow me this much.”

Kaneki blinked, knowing he shouldn’t stare at another man for such a long time. But there was such a difference between the man speaking to him now and the man he fought a few weeks ago that he found his mind replying before he even had time to think about it.

“That’s… fine.”

He smiled, throwing Kaneki even more off his thoughts of the man. “My name’s Amon Koutarou.” He held out his hand and Kaneki looked at it. He placed his hand within Amon’s, feeling strength in his hand shake.  

“Kaneki Ken.” He replied.

“A pleasure to meet you, Kaneki-kun.” He said. “If you don’t mind, let’s exchange numbers. I wish I could pay you back today but I have a few important errands to run.”

“I don’t mind at all!” Kaneki quickly replied. He found himself exchanging numbers with Amon and with a farewell, they parted.

Kaneki watched the man go and for an unexplainable reason, he found himself wanting to follow after the man. The man that invited him to coffee was so different from the man from the other night. Kaneki laughed nervously as he began to walk away. He reached into the messenger bag, feeling the cool surface of his mask.

“I’m must be crazy.” He said to himself. He pulled off his coffee stained sweater, glad that it didn’t stain the shirt he wore underneath. He quickly left the park, hand in messenger back, fingers gripping the mask as he watched Amon from afar. He stopped when he noticed Amon meet with another man whom carried the same briefcase and they walked together a few blocks until they sat down at a ramen booth.

Kaneki kept himself away, peeking around the corner of a building as they ate, chatting amiably with each other. He waited and watched, all the way trying to convince himself to leave while he could but didn’t. Kaneki was curious. After awhile, he chuckled to himself when he thought what he was doing and how Hide would react. This was definitely something Hide would do.

Night fell and Amon and the other man left. Kaneki ducked back into the small alleyway, holding his breath as the other man walked by. When Kaneki was sure he was gone, Kaneki slipped on his mask and followed Amon. When Amon headed towards the river way, he knew that would be his best chance to meet and still have plenty of room to escape.

Kaneki took his a deep breath, ran his hands down his mask, and ran out.

He dashed ahead Amon, surprising the man. Kaneki stopped when he was a few feet ahead and he turned around, facing Amon. At once, Amon’s body tensed and he gripped his quinque.

“Wait,” Kaneki quickly shouted, holding up his hands. “I don’t want to fight.”

Amon didn’t move nor lowered his weapon. But he did settle himself into something a relaxed position. Kaneki stared at the weapon, hoping he wouldn’t attack. He could feel the man stare coldly at him but when he didn’t attack Kaneki felt a little better.

“Eyepatch, what’s going on?” Amon asked.

“Do you really believe ghouls are the one corrupting the world?” He asked.

The question threw Amon off. What was going on?

“What are you getting at?” He asked, weary of the ghoul.

“We aren’t the monsters that you make us out to be.” He said, looking at the man.

At that, the man scoffed, “And what of the gourmet and binge eater. Are you telling me they’re not monsters?”

“I’m not going to deny that they are,” Kaneki said. “There are ghouls who kill indiscriminately but there are also others who just want to live. We can’t help the body we were born in, that we can’t eat anything but flesh. Are you really going to condemn us simply because we want to live?!” He could feel himself getting worked up, thinking of Hinami and Touka.

“What the hell are you saying?” Amon asked. “Countless children wouldn’t have suffered so much if you ghouls weren’t around.”

Kaneki looked down at the ground. Of course there would be damage done that Kaneki had no control over. He couldn’t claim responsibility for the other ghouls or what they’ve done. He was beginning to feel like talking with Amon wouldn’t get anywhere.

“Eyepatch, why did you let me live that night?” Amon asked. Kaneki noticed that he was getting ready to use his quinque. Whether he answered or not, Kaneki knew he was going to get attacked.

“I’m not strong but I know I won’t ever let my appetite turn me into a murderer.” Kaneki gripped his hand. “I don’t want to be a killer.”

Amon paused for a moment, surprised by his words. Before he could activate his weapon, Kaneki fled, leaving Amon behind. He stood there, more confused than anything.

Kaneki ran and ran until he was home. He had pulled off the mask when he was sure Amon wasn’t following him. Once he was home, he made brewed himself a cup of coffee, adding the questionable sugar cubes he liked.

“I don’t think that went well.” He said to himself, settling down on his sofa, nursing his cup of coffee. He thought that talking to Amon would help him see some things clearly or at least calm the listlessness he was feeling. But it only made him feel even more restless. Kaneki grabbed his cell phone, noticing the text messages he missed from Hide. He smiled and began reply to Hide’s text.

Hopefully, he’d feel better by the morning.

\--------

Unfortunately, the next day, he felt worse. His whole body felt heated and his chest felt tight every time he breathed. He called Yoshimura that morning, telling him he wouldn’t come into work that day. With a warm cup of morning coffee, he huddled into a ball on his bed; hoping sleep would cure him a little bit. A few hours later, Kaneki woke up to his phone ringing beside his head. He reached out from underneath the blanket, pawing the bed until he felt his phone.

“Hello?” His voice was gravelly from having just woken up.

“Is this Kaneki-kun?”

“Yes,” He replied, slowly sitting upright, the blanket slipping down to his waist. “Who is this?”

“Ah, this is Amon from yesterday.” The man over the phone said. Kaneki immediately woke up. He didn’t think Amon would call him so soon. “I was hoping I could repay you back today. I have a day off of work.”

Kaneki forgot he’d given the man his number and he didn’t want to leave the comforts of his bed. But he also didn’t want to make Amon wait. If anything, he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

“What time?” Kaneki asked.

“Would twelve work? We can meet at the same park from yesterday.”

“Okay, we can meet there.” He replied, pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulder.

“Alright, I see you then.” Kaneki hung up, falling backwards on bed. He stared up at the ceiling, imagining how much Touka would yell and tear him a new asshole if she ever learned he somehow ended up on a coffee date with a dove. And that he’d given out his actual name. Kaneki groaned, turning to his side as he curled into himself, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“Just for thirty minutes, I can manage that much.”

\-------

An hour before he was going to meet up with Amon, Kaneki rolled out of bed, trailing his blanket as a cape with him. More rest hadn’t cured him of the ache pulsing throughout his body. It was worse than before, his breathing coming up short. Kaneki looked around for medicine, chasing it down with a glass of water before he dressed. As he shrugged on his blanket, his phone beeped. He patted his pockets then looked up when it beeped again, coming from his bedroom. He quickly headed for his room when the bell rang. Kaneki stopped in his track, looking from the room to the foyer.

“Ugh, I just want to sleep.” He grumbled, heading towards the door as the bell rang again.

Hide greeted him as soon as Kaneki opened the door, “Yo, Kaneki! You look like shit.”

Kaneki smiled despite himself, knowing it was only going to encourage Hide. Hide grinned as he let himself in.

“Was that text you?”

“Yep,” He replied, turning to face Kaneki. “Touka texted me earlier saying, ‘Make sure that idiot isn’t dead’.”

Kaneki chuckled. Of course Touka would insult even when he was sick. “I’m fine.”

“Like hell you are,” was Hide’s instant reply. “Didn’t you hear the ‘you look like shit part’?”

“Loud and clear.” Kaneki said as he walked around Hide to his bedroom. The blond followed behind him, watching as Kaneki began to rummage through his closet.

“Then why aren’t you resting like you should be?”

Kaneki sighed as he picked out a shirt. “I have… someone to meet.” Kaneki looked at Hide and he could see the gears turn in Hide’s mind. He grinned and Kaneki could _hear_ his thoughts before he spoke them.

“No, it’s not a date.” Kaneki said before Hide could. “I kinda bumped into someone when I wasn’t looking yesterday and my coffee spilled on me. He offered me a new cup as an apology but couldn’t do it yesterday.”

“He?” Hide looked almost hurt. “I never knew you swung that way. And to think you couldn’t trust me enough to come out…”

“Hide!” Kaneki whined, earning a grin from his blond friend. “Like I said, it’s not like that.” He stripped out of his pajamas down to his boxer-briefs. Hide mischievously grinned, whistling at Kaneki as he bent over to pull on his jeans. Hide was met with face full of cotton pants that Kaneki threw at him.

“Why are we even friends?”

“I’m obviously the best. Why else?” Hide said, rather proudly. Kaneki rolled his eyes as he continued to dress. “So who are you meeting if it isn’t a date? ‘Cause this really seems like a date.”

Kaneki paused for a moment before he answered. “A Dove named Amon-san.”

The grin on Hide’s quickly fell as he stared at Kaneki. “Hey, that’s… Kaneki, what the hell?”

Kaneki pulled his blue cardigan on, running his hands down his chest. “I know… but, I want to get this done as soon as possible. I’m only going to spend an half an hour with him then I’ll think of an excuse to leave.” He didn’t mention the fact that he had run into Amon after the incident. It was dangerously stupid and he didn’t want to worry Hide.

If anything, Kaneki was grateful Hide was still his best friend despite finding out he was part ghoul now. Kaneki could make jokes about why he was Hide’s friend when they were teasing each other, but Kaneki would always be thankful towards Hide for meddling his way into his life. He was glad to have a friend like him.

“For being such a book worm, you’re real stupid, you know that?”  Hide said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Kaneki chuckled, scratching his face. “I know.”

“Twenty minutes.” Hide said. “Text me when you meet him. Then I’ll call you after your 20 minutes are up to bail you the hell out of there. You really don’t look well.”

“Alright.” Kaneki said. He pulled on his jacket, stuffing his phone into his pocket. He slipped on is medical eye patch and grabbed the doorknob to the front door. “I’m heading out now.”

\--------

Kaneki sat on a bench in the park, near where they met, as he waited for Amon. He was a little bit earlier but in the time he spent waiting, a steady painful pulse bounced around his head. He groaned, rubbing at his temples. He regretted stepping out and agreeing to this meeting, with a dove no less, but the fact that Hide was waiting to get him out of this arrangement made him swallow down the pain.

“I can do this.” He said, hand clutching his phone. It was only twenty minutes.

“Kaneki, over here.”

Kaneki looked up, seeing Amon just a few feet away from him. Kaneki got to his feet, waving to the man. He wasn’t dressed in that grey trench coat doves usually wore and Kaneki couldn’t see him carrying that briefcase. He was dressed casually, in a jacket and jeans, and Kaneki almost didn’t know what to make of it. He quickly sent a text to Hide to start the count before he walked towards Amon.

“Good evening, Amon-san.” He greeted.

The older man smiled and Kaneki was surprised by how handsome Amon looked when he wasn’t out to kill him. Then the thought struck him. What was Amon actually like?

“Hi.” He said softly, fighting his instinct to touch the side of his head.

“Are you sure a cup of coffee is enough?” Amon asked.

Kaneki chuckled nervously. “Really, its fine,” He assured. “Do you have a café in mind?”

“Truth to told, I’m not too familiar with the area.” He replied, looking a bit apologetic. Kaneki blinked then he smiled, somehow feeling more assured about the situation.

“There’s a café not too far from here. The coffee they brew is delicious and they make really good sandwiches.” He said. Kaneki started to walk and Amon followed, falling into step.

“Are you a university student?” Amon asked.

Kaneki nodded, “A freshman at Kamii University. I’m studying Japanese literature.”

“I take it you’re a big reader?” He asked.

Kaneki nodded, lowering his gaze. “What about you? What do you do?”

He raised his eyes again, watching Amon’s profile. “I work for the Commission of Counter Ghoul as an investigator.”

So he’s not hiding that, Kaneki thought, looking away. Of course he wouldn’t hide that. Amon didn’t know who he really was. Amon thought of him as a college student.

“That’s amazing,” Kaneki said. “Don’t you get scared?”

If he didn’t feign an interest, Amon would probably get suspicious. With all the news on ghouls, it probably would seem strange if he weren’t a little interested.

“I do,” Amon said, taking Kaneki by surprise with his answer. Amon certainly didn’t look or feel afraid when they fought. “But I’m prepared. It’s a sort of job you can’t go into with half-hearted convictions.”

Kaneki slowly nodded, not quite agreeing with the content but more with the meaning. He thought about his own situation, about how appropriate that statement was. As both human and ghoul, he couldn’t be the same as he was in the beginning, when everything he knew simply shattered around his feet.

“Ah, we’re here.” Kaneki said, stopping short of just passing the café shop. It was a small old brick building, nestled between two taller, more modern buildings. Vines grew along the wall and plants were planted in front of the window, adding a sort of pleasant floral charm to the café. If it weren’t for the sign that hung above the door, it was a fairly easy shop to miss.

He led Amon into the shop, the chime above the door ringing softly. The aroma of coffee greeted them and Kaneki, despite feeling sluggish and cold, warmed up just a little bit. Working at Anteiku, while hard work, had become a place he could relax. He watched Amon walk to the counter, wondering if the man had a place he also felt a peace in.

“Kaneki-kun, what would you like?” He asked. Kaneki opened his mouth to speak but the girl at the counter spoke before he could.

“A regular coffee taken black, am I correct?” She said.

Kaneki blinked, a blush coming to his cheeks as nodded. “I really like this shop,” He said in lieu of an answer.

The girl giggled and turned to look at Amon, “And what would you like, sir?”

Kaneki idly stood by as Amon placed his order. Once done, Kaneki headed straight for a table for two near the back of the shop, lit up by the window beside it. Kaneki sat on the chair that faced the door and Amon sat opposite. “I take it this is your favorite spot to sit too?”

Kaneki blinked; face feeling hot as he looked down at the table. A feeble chuckle escaped him as he nervously ran his hand through his hair. “The atmosphere is really nice here and their coffee is delicious. Amon-san, if you ever need a moment’s peace, I really recommend this place.”

Amon nodded, a small smile shaping his lips. “I will. Though, I’m surprised you take your coffee black? You look more like the type that’ll add milk and sugar.”

Kaneki nervously laughed, once again looking down at the table. He scratched his cheek as he spoke, “I have a friend who takes it black all the time so I got curious. I found out I really liked it.”

Kaneki listened to Amon talk, most of it being on his workout routine since Kaneki had curiously asked where Amon went for a moment’s reprieve. It was very easy to see that Amon was well built, even when he wore his suit, but less so when he wore casual clothes.

“So could you easily suplex someone?” He asked, excitement laced through his voice. Amon blinked, not quite sure what to make of him but he chuckled.

“I can.” He said just as the waitress arrived with their drinks. She placed the black coffee in front of Kaneki and handed Amon his cappuccino.

“Please feel free to call me over should you need anything else.” She said before she walked away.

Kaneki nursed his cup, the thick and heavy aroma filled his nostrils and Kaneki could feel some tension in his shoulder melt away. Tension he hadn’t realized he was still holding on too. He let it cool a little before he took a sip.

“Their coffee is good.” Amon said, already drinking. Kaneki smiled in agreement, taking another slow slip when a sharp pain pierced through head. He gritted his teeth, carefully setting his cup down as another lance of pain shot through him.

“Kaneki-kun…?”

“I’m fine.” Kaneki said, trying to hold back how much he was actually hurting. Amon frowned, clearly not buying it.

“I’ll... head to the restroom.” He said. He stood, chair sliding back. He stood, taking a single step forward and felt fine. But when he took the other step, he dropped like some puppet with its string cut. Amon immediately was at his side, trying to shake him awake but Kaneki only groaned, face flushed and lips parted as he tried to breathe.

He couldn’t hear Amon but Kaneki could feel his arms on his back. He struggled to open his eyes and when he did, Amon’s expression changed so suddenly. He looked confused, then worried, maybe there was fear too, Kaneki couldn’t tell. His vision vanished and the last thing he heard before he completely lost consciousness was his cellphone ringing.

\-------

Kaneki sat alone in a chair, bound and surrounded by pitch black darkness. He struggled to move but he was unable to even lift the chair. The half ghoul looked around, hoping something could give me a clue to his location but the utter darkness was impenetrable. There was nothing; not even a breeze. It was just stillness that kept him company.

“Hello?”

There wasn’t a response. His heart began to thump harder against his chest when he felt a cold chill run down his spine. Footsteps echoed behind him, getting louder as they approached. Sweat beaded on his forehead, rolling down as a hand touched his shoulder with a surprising gentle touch that he had to look up.

His eyes widened, fear striking his heart as Amon looked down at him. Without saying a word, he continued to walk forward and that was when he noticed Amon’s quinque in his other hand. Kaneki swallowed the dry lump as he kept his eyes focused on it.

“Amon-san, please…!” Kaneki pleaded, struggling against the chains that bound him to the chair. It rattled around, metal clanking against each other but they didn’t budge. Kaneki looked down at his wrist, frustration bubbling in his chest. He quickly looked back up, to face Amon, when the words he wanted to say died before they ever made it out his lips.

His face wasn’t normal. Blank scribbles obscured his face, constantly moving, like angry writing given life. Another chill ran down his body as sweat slowly rolled down his face. Amon flicked his wrist and his quinque opened. It formed into the weapon he had destroyed that rainy night.

The black scribbles parted where Amon’s mouth was supposed to be and it spoke with a voice that was neither man nor woman, “ _Right the wrong that has perpetrated this world and die._ ”

Kaneki screamed, body bolting upright from the bed. He gasped harshly, chest heaving as he tried to calm his breathing. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face, sliding along his jaw line to drip down from his chin to the blanket that covered his lap. He lifted his hand, to wipe his forehead, when the rattling noise of chains alerted him.

He looked around and that was when he realized he wasn’t in his own room.

The bedroom he was in was dark and he could make out a dresser and some dumbbells by the door. Kaneki inched forward, sliding closer to the edge of the bed when he heard more chains rattling and a pressure on his neck. He touched his neck and felt a collar tied around it. He ran his fingers over it, feeling for a clasp but instead he found a chain link.

He turned his head, following the link as it connected to the bed. 

His heart sped faster; climbing up his throat as fear quickly ran through his blood like ice. Kaneki sat still, closing his eyes as he recalled what happened. He remembered feeling nauseas and went to excuse himself when he fainted. What had happened afterwards?

Kaneki groaned, unable to come up with a plausible reason for his predicament at the moment. He ran his hand through his hair, thinking, when the lights in the room flickered on. His quickly lifted his head, eyes widening when he saw Amon standing by the open door of the room.

“Amo-” He started, a smile shaping his lips when his eyes traveled to Amon’s hand. He held his quinque and the relief fled.

“Eyepatch.” He said.

Kaneki froze. He knew. Amon knew his identity, it was all over. He looked down at bed, hands clutching the bed sheets. It was all over. “…Are you going to kill me, Amon-san.” He said quietly, not bothering to lift his head.

Amon said nothing. Instead, Kaneki heard footsteps and he bitterly smiled. _Of course he won’t bother answering me_ , Kaneki thought. There wouldn’t be a reason to. He was a Dove; their sole purpose was to eradicate ghouls no matter what. And Kaneki was just unfortunate.

“What are you, Kaneki-kun?” Amon asked, sitting down on a chair in front of the bed.

Kaneki lifted his head, surprise flitting through his eyes as he looked at Amon. The quinque was by his side but it was on the floor. He couldn’t read Amon’s expression, couldn’t understand what he was thinking but Kaneki decided this situation was infinitely better than what he originally thought was going to happen.

“…w-what do you mean?” He cautiously asked.

“Your eye.” He replied.

Kaneki immediately lifted his hand to his left eye and realized that his eyepatch was gone. He chuckled nervously and was very quick to put together what must have happened.

“I’m half a ghoul.” Kaneki said. There was no use lying or hiding it. Amon looked surprised and he leaned back on his chair.

“Half a ghoul?”

Kaneki nodded. He sat back on the bed, to relax the chain on his collar so it wasn’t pulling on his neck so much. “I don’t know if you’ll believe me or not, but everything I’m saying is the truth.”

Kaneki talked, explaining everything that had happened that lead him to wake up as a half ghoul on that hospital bed. He kept everything about Anteiku, Touka, and the others a secret. Amon didn’t need to know about them and, no matter what, they were friends. He couldn’t turn his back on his own friends. He did tell Amon about Rize, since that accident had caused her death. For further proof, he willed his eye to turn, watching the way Amon subtly flinch, hands inches away from his weapon. Kaneki felt hurt but he didn’t blame the man.

“It took awhile to come to terms with what happened with me.” He said. If he was honest, Kaneki was still trying to understand his own situation. It was like floating in limbo, not knowing where he should drop.

“Have you killed anyone?” He asked, pulling Kaneki away from his thoughts.

Kaneki quickly shook his head, “No! No matter what I am, I’m still human and I can’t kill anyone, not even if it means I will live.”

“But you seem perfectly sane,” Amon said. “I’ve seen ghouls whom have gone hungry. That’s when their true nature as monsters shows.”

Kaneki looked back down at the bed. “…Suicide victims.” He whispered.

For a while, Amon said nothing. Kaneki fidgeted under his intense gaze but he remained quiet. Amon was sorting through his thoughts and Kaneki was sure he was probably deciding when he would turn Kaneki in. So he sat and waited for his death sentence.

“So the reason you let me live is because you don’t want to be a murderer.” Amon said, surprising Kaneki once again with his words. Kaneki slowly nodded.

“…I just want to live,” Kaneki said, tone soft. “Same as you.”

It was silent for a moment longer before Amon suddenly stood up. Kaneki flinched, looking up as Amon stared at him. Without saying a word, Amon left the room, turning the lights back off as he closed the door behind him. Kaneki blinked, staring after the door before he sighed.

“I’ll just stay here then.” He called out to no one, settling himself against the headboard of the bed. He grabbed the comforter, pulled his knees up to his chest, and draped the blanket over him, resting his head on top of his knees.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> amon is a tough motherfucker to write in-character
> 
> rating may get bumped up in later chapters


	2. Chapter 2

Amon stared at his phone, thumb hovering over the button that will take Kaneki, or rather, the ghoul away to the head quarters of CCG. The phone icon seemed to glare at him, daring him to make the call, to do the job he gave his life he would uphold. The job where he swore he wouldn’t let another person suffer through what he went.

But his thumb stilled, frozen over the phone as Kaneki flashed through his mind. Amon gritted his teeth, locking the phone and chucking it away as he ran his fingers through his hair. He’d been sitting on his couch in the living room for a few hours, debating to himself about calling in Kaneki. It was an easy choice! He’d done it so many times that it was second nature by now.

Amon clenched his fist, nails digging into his palm as the frustration he felt kept on boiling up inside him.

“I know what’s wrong.” He finally said with an exasperated sigh. He leaned back, head resting on the back of the couch. Aside from the obvious question of what Kaneki actually was, Amon certainly never seen a ghoul like him, in the few moments he talked with Kaneki earlier today at the café, all Amon could see was someone who was profoundly human. Even when he had donned that mask in their first fight, the way he screamed at Amon to run away from him was something he’d never experience before.

Kaneki was human. But he was also a ghoul.

And Amon didn’t know what to do with him.

“Well, the first would be to get more answers,” Amon said, straightening up. Knowing more about the enemy, in the case of ghouls, was always better. And Kaneki was definitely someone he knew he should know more about. Because despite what he said about not wanting to kill, Kaneki was still a ghoul; his hunger would eventually win over his reason.

As he started to stand, a piercing scream erupted from the room Kaneki was held in. Amon quickly ran into the room, flicking on the lights as he spotted Kaneki writhing on the bed, hands clutching his head as if he were in pain. Amon rushed forward, noticing that Kaneki was still asleep despite the thrashing he was doing.

Amon sat on the bed, prying Kaneki’s hands away from his face. There were a few angry scratches along his temple, from where his nails scarped against skin. Amon pinned down both of Kaneki’s hand with one hand, while he used the other to still the half-ghoul’s tossing head.

“Kaneki!” Amon shouted. “Wake up!”

Kaneki slowly stopped thrashing about; his breath slowing down as he opened his eyes. His left eye was turned, causing every instinctive nerve within Amon to scream, shouting that he should back away as fast as possible. Amon fought his instincts. It was insane but he believed Kaneki when he said he didn’t want to kill. Tears spilled from the corner of his clouded grey eyes as fear flitted through them.

“…I’m scared…” He said before his eyes rolled back and his body slacked.

Amon quickly released Kaneki’s hand to check his pulse, relieved to find that he was still alive but merely unconscious. A furrow creased between his brows as his fingers brushed against Kaneki’s neck. Curious, Amon pressed a hand to Kaneki’s forehead. His eyes widened in surprise as he noticed that Kaneki was burning up. 

“…shit.”

Without giving it a second thought, Amon got up and looked for towels, heading out of the room to moisten them. When he came back, he sat back down, setting the first aid kit he grabbed along the way in the bathroom down on the floor. He folded one of the small wet towels; brushed back Kaneki’s bangs, and placed it on his forehead. Kaneki grimaced a bit but otherwise did not wake up. His breathing was labored and Kaneki tossed and turned as he slept. The tears had dried on Kaneki’s cheek and as he slept, Amon kept wondering,

“What do I want to do with you?”

\--------

Hide paced back and forth in Kaneki’s room, speed dialing Kaneki’s phone for the hundredth time. It was hours past the supposed twenty minutes Hide gave Kaneki and the bastard wasn’t picking up his phone. His first thought was that Kaneki started talking about literature and there was no shutting Kaneki up when he was on a roll. But after the third time, even dense Kaneki would notice his phone ringing.

The panic didn’t set in until his hundredth and one call. It was starting to get dark outside and Hide decided he called enough. Obviously, something happened, and matters had to be taken. He flicked through his contact list until Touka’s name appeared.

“Please pick up.” He muttered to himself.

The ring tone rang four times before she finally picked up. “I think Kaneki’s been kidnapped.” Hide said before she even had time to speak. There was a long silence and Hide heard her muffled voice then the soft background chatter disappeared.

“What the hell do you mean kidnapped?”

“Kaneki was meeting someone today and he hasn’t picked up his phone and it’s been hours now.”

Hide heard Touka sigh and he could mentally picture the disapproving frown on her face she wore so well. “Kaneki’s a grown boy; he doesn’t need you to babysit him.”

“Touka-chan, it’s not quite that simple,” Hide said. “He met with a dove.” Then he explained to her the circumstances that led to Kaneki meeting with Amon and how it was only going to be for a moment. He recounted that after calling for so long and not getting a response back was when he decided to call her. There was another pause over the phone, much longer than before, when Touka shouted,

“WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU SAY THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE, SHITHEAD!”

Hide had the phone pulled away from his ear, wincing a bit. ‘ _Cause I knew my ear drums were going to get blown away,_ he thought as he pulled the phone back to his ear.

“I know where Kaneki was going to take that Dove,” Hide shrugged on his jacket as he grabbed his keys. He headed out, locking the door behind him. “I’ll stop by Anteiku later. I know it’s asking a lot, Touka-chan, but can you keep it a secret for now.”

“Wha-?!”

“I know,” Hide said, cutting her off. “But it might be needlessly complicating things if the others are involved. I could be completely wrong. Let me see what I can find out and then I’ll call you.”

Touka was silent over the phone. “Alright, you have two hours to get back to me. I’ll keep quiet. Make sure you get your ass to Anteiku afterwards.”  

“Thanks, Touka-chan.”

Hide hung up and he sprinted. The park was only a 15 minute bus ride away from Kaneki’s apartment and Hide had the pleasure of being dragged to the café in question by Kaneki himself a couple of times to know how to get there. He found the quaint café shop and was relieved to find no squad cars or other doves from CCG.

Though relieved wasn’t quite right. Nothing horrific seemed to have gone down but that still didn’t mean Kaneki wasn’t in danger.

He took a deep breath and headed inside the café. Hide looked around, happy to see no murder scene or complete mayhem inside. There were a few customers enjoying their meal or cups of coffee. But there was no sign of Kaneki or Amon.  

“Oh, you there!”

Hide looked towards the counter where a blonde haired girl was waving at him. He walked over to the counter, leaning against it as he smiled at the girl.

“You’re Kaneki-kun’s friend, am I right?” She said.

“Only the best of friend,” He said with a grin. “He was here, was he?”

The girl nodded. “Yeah, but he suddenly fell ill. The man he was with took care of him though. I wanted to ask if he was okay?”

Hide blinked. So something did happen but not what he had expected. Hide sighed, berating himself for letting Kaneki go through with his meeting. He should’ve tied Kaneki to the bed. “That’s kind of what I wanted to know.” Hide said. “Can you believe Kaneki didn’t even leave me a contact number? Don’t let the face fool you, he may look cute but he’s rather dense.”

The girl laughed, a blush dusting her cheeks. “The man he was with left his contact information, just in case.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. She held it out to him and Hide thanked her. “Tell Kaneki that I hope he feels better. And that he should come by when he’s better, he can have a cup on the house.”

“Sure, no problem,” He said. “But remember, cute face, dense mind.” With a wink and a wave, Hide left the café and ran back to the park, finding a bench to sit on. With phone in hand, Hide dialed Amon’s number. His foot bounced nervously on the ground as it rang and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Amon picked up.

“Is Kaneki Ken alive?” He asked, right off the bat. Hide didn’t know Amon at all but he placed his hope in the fact that he seemed to be like a decent man. Kaneki certainly trusted the Dove enough to let the man get him a cup of coffee.

“He is.” Amon said. “Are you Hide-kun?”

Hide sat straighter, weary of the man over the phone. How did he…?

“When Kaneki-kun collapsed, his phone rang. I’ve seen your name from the multiple times you called afterwards.”

Hide sighed. “I am. Can you guarantee that Kaneki is safe?”

There was a pause. “Kaneki-kun has a fever right now. I would put him on the phone if he were able to talk.”

“As much as I would like to trust you, I can’t.” Hide said. “No hard feelings though, I mean, you being a Dove and Kaneki, well, being… what he became…”

There was another pause. “You know what happened to him?”

“I do…” Hide said, falling a little quiet. “Whatever you plan to do, please don’t kill my best friend. I obviously can’t stop you, cause I’m human and I don’t even know where you are, but Kaneki deserves to live as much as any other person.”

Amon stayed quiet over the phone and Hide’s foot began to nervously bounce against the ground again. “I won’t kill him,” He finally said. “That much I can guarantee.”

“I’m going to call in the morning, and probably again every hour until I can hear Kaneki’s voice. So sorry in advance if I bug the hell out of you.” Hide said. This was all he could do at the moment.

“I understand.” Amon said. Amon hung up and Hide looked down at his phone, staring at the number displayed on his phone.  He clutched the phone and took a deep breath, calming the nervous and panic feelings that had settled underneath his skin. With a shake of his head, Hide stood and started to make his way to Anteiku.

\-------

Amon stayed up for most the night, changing the towels on Kaneki’s forehead periodically, wiping the sweat off his face. Luckily, Kaneki’s fever didn’t get worse but he tossed and turned, face pinched in whatever nightmare he was having.  All the while, Amon replayed his conversation with Hide. He could tell the young man was acting brave but he could hear the desperation that leaked through his tone and words.

As he stared at Kaneki, Amon felt young again, fresh out of the academy and newly assigned to Mado. Back when he questioned Mado’s method of investigation, when he thought a sweet old woman couldn’t possibly be a ghoul. When he looked at Kaneki, all he felt was a sense of dread that was nostalgic and familiar.

With the last towel change and the time on his clock reading 5am, Amon decided that Kaneki seemed well enough. His breathing wasn’t as labored as it initially was and he felt a lot cooler. He also stopped thrashing about from his nightmares, expression smoothed out to a peaceful naturalness. Amon slowly stood, carrying the used towels in a basket and left the room, gently closing the door behind him.  

\-------

Kaneki slowly stirred, rolling over to his side as he grabbed the blanket covering him. He shifted around, still not quite finding that right amount of warmth. He shuffled over, rolling up in the blanket. When that wasn’t enough, he shuffled over some more and felt the weight of his body slam on the floor. The chain rattled and tightened, choking him as he was instantly woken up. He coughed, scrambling back to the bed as he rubbed his sore neck.

“Ow…”

He looked around the room, sunlight streaming through the window on the wall opposite of the bed. It didn’t take him long to realize where he was or the situation he was in. The first thing Kaneki noticed was that Amon wasn’t in the room. He looked back at the chain connected to his collar with a tired look. Kaneki didn’t quite know how he felt about it but he wanted it off.

The half ghoul scooted closer to the edge of the bed and used his toes to pick up the blanket off the floor. Wrapping it around his shoulders, he leaned back on the headboard, pulled up his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and waited. His head pulsed something painful but it was dull ache. He could only hope, at this point, that Amon would come back into the room.

He didn’t wait long as the doorknob rattled and Amon opened the door, looking a little alarmed. Kaneki chuckled nervously and quietly rattled the chain. “Sorry if I woke you.” He said.

Amon stared and he walked over to the bed. Kaneki watched him, realizing that the man was topless and well toned. Kaneki turned a little red and he looked down at his toes. “Can you promise me you won’t escape?” 

Kaneki quickly looked up, surprised at Amon’s words. He couldn’t understand his expression but Kaneki nodded, “I… I promise I won’t.”

Amon nodded and Kaneki looked back down at his toes as he felt the chain clink and rattle. There was a click and the chain fell away. Kaneki sighed, rubbing his neck. The collar was still on him but it wasn’t being tugged down by the heavy chain.

“Follow me.” He said.

Kaneki blinked and he scrambled off the bed, following the taller man. Outside the bedroom he was in, the hallway lead to the living room and kitchen.  He could see the front door, some more lifting equipment and the sofa Kaneki figured Amon was using.

“How are you feeling?” He asked. Kaneki stood by the hallway, fidgeting as he grasped his hands.

“I… I feel okay.” Kaneki said, lying to the man. His body felt rested, that much was true, and there wasn’t much of a headache pulsing through his mind. But he felt unnerved.  He remembered the nightmare he had, Amon’s blacked out face speaking to him in that distorted voice that vibrated through his entire being. Kaneki couldn’t even begin to try and understand what it meant. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to. He looked up to Amon, and he couldn’t even understand the actual man in front of him, let alone nightmare Amon.  

“I apologize for the bruises on your neck.” Amon said, calling back Kaneki’s attention. “Your fever got worse last night and you kept turning around in your sleep.”

Kaneki blinked, hand reaching up for his neck. He looked around, noticing the bathroom beside him. He looked to Amon, silently asking for permission. Amon nodded, understanding, and Kaneki walked in. He flicked on the light and faced the mirror. There was a ring of purple and green bruises around his neck where the collar was pressed against. He slipped a finger underneath the collar, tugging at it.

“Amon-san, you took care of me?” Kaneki asked, walking out the kitchen.

He quieted down when he saw Amon on the phone. He went back to stand by the hallway threshold when Amon beckoned Kaneki towards him. Heart pounding a little bit faster, he obeyed, walking towards the man. He blinked in confusion when Amon handed him the phone. Kaneki grabbed it and pressed it to his ear.

“…hello?”

“KANEKIII!” Hide whined, voice loud enough that Amon probably heard him.

“H-Hide?? What?!”

“Kaneki!! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He said. “But geez, you’re really loud for so early in the morning.”

He could feel Hide frown over the phone, “And you’re really helpless! Passing out like that with a Dove. I’m never letting you out on another date again, do you hear me! You can date your hand, for all I care.”

Kaneki blushed, eyes going wide as he turned his back on Amon. “Hide, please. You don’t have to say that!”

Hide chuckled over the phone, “Listen, Touka-chan, Nishio-sempai and the creepy fashionista dude know about your situation. They’re coming up with a plan to rescue you and-“

“Does my aunt know?” Kaneki said, interrupting Hide.

“Aunt? What does she have to do with-“

“Listen, Hide, just tell her I’m okay.” Kaneki said, interrupting him once more. Hide was silent for a moment before he spoke again.

“Does he think you’re on your own?” He asked in a somber tone.

“…Yeah.” Kaneki heard Hide take a breath in.

“Kaneki Ken, you’re a dumb bastard, do you know that. I’m seriously going to kill you myself.” Hide sighed. “Alright, well, the most I can do is tell them to do things discreetly. Tsukiyama-san is currently looking up information about the Dove. It probably won’t take long to get it, 12 hours top, but, whatever happens, I _need_ you to fight if things start getting south.”

“Hide…”

“Don’t give me that, Kaneki.” Hide said. “Forget about us and worry about yourself, please.”

“…I will.” Kaneki said.

“Good boy, now hand the phone to Amon. Y’know, gotta discuss some child custodial rules.” Kaneki chuckled and he hand the phone back to Amon. He went back to stand by the hallway for no other reason than he didn’t know what to do. He looked over the kitchen and saw a coffee maker on the counter. He saw the coffee mix beside it. As if on auto pilot, he went over and started to prep the machine. Kaneki smiled a little when he pulled the top off the small box, the aroma reminding him of Anteiku.

He flinched a little when Amon came behind him, setting two empty mugs in front of him. Kaneki looked at the counter, staring at the mug.

“…I hope you don’t mind me using the machine.” He said.

“It’s alright,” Amon said, walking away. “I could actually use a cup.”

Kaneki nodded, staying silent as he attended to the coffee machine. Amon remained quiet too and Kaneki raced through his thoughts, wondering why he was being left alive, or even allowed to walk around. He wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure if that was stepping some invisible boundary that was keeping him alive.

“How do you take your coffee?” Kaneki asked, turning around to face him.

“Just milk.” Amon replied. Kaneki nodded and grabbed the milk cartoon from the fridge, noticing it was barely stocked. He poured himself and Amon a cup, adding milk to Amon’s cup and stirring. He brought Amon his mug and Kaneki returned to stand by the kitchen counter. He watched the older man take a sip of his drink, nursing the cup between his hands.

Kaneki mentally apologized to Hide as he opened his mouth, “…Amon-san, why are you keeping me alive?”

Kaneki’s curiosity won over.

Amon looked at Kaneki, not quite surprised that Kaneki asked. He remained quiet, turning the mug around in his hands. Kaneki stared at him, patiently waiting for him to speak. He could tell that whatever Amon was thinking, it was hard for him.

“I believe you are a good ghoul.” Amon said. Kaneki nodded, not sure what he should say. He started to speak but Amon spoke up before he could. “Come here.”

Kaneki set his mug down on the counter before he went over. When he stood in front of Amon, Kaneki, once again, realized how tall Amon was. He blushed lightly, unable to take his eyes away from Amon’s well toned bare chest. Amon wasn’t looking at him; he was still sitting, staring down at his mug.

“My foster father was a ghoul.” He said. “He ran an orphanage as a priest and took a lot of us in. I walked in on him once, feeding on the corpse of a friend who was supposedly adopted. That day he told me he’d eaten all the children who were ‘adopted’. Rather than running away, when he told me to close the door behind me, I did.”

Amon looked up at Kaneki. “I kept his secret for a year until I learned that he was feeding us the scraps of their remains.”

Kaneki shuddered, involuntarily taking a step back. “…I’m sorry, Amon-san… I don’t know what to say…”

Amon chuckled dryly. “I don’t expect you to say much. But since we fought, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about him.” Amon clutched his mug. “Priest is the worst type of ghoul; sadistic and unremorseful of his actions. But I always kept thinking, why did he favor me? Did he actually had some form of affection for me or did he let me live so he could eat me later?”

Kaneki looked down at the floor, unsure what he should do.  He thought of Rize, for lack of a better comparison, to think of all the murders she must have committed. He was sure binge-eater was an appropriate name for her and she definitely wasn’t remorseful when she attacked him that night. But Kaneki couldn’t say with confidence that her methods of killing were the only thing she took joy in. Kaneki had no way of knowing her true intentions, just as Amon never knew his father’s intention towards him.

 Kaneki startled from his thoughts when he heard Amon stand up. The half ghoul stayed rooted to his spot, watching as Amon set the mug down on the table and walked back towards him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a key.

Kaneki stayed still as Amon reached for his neck. His calloused fingers grazed the collar he wore, reaching behind his neck as he pushed the key into the small hole in the back. The collar clicked, unlocked, and Amon pulled it off, tossing it aside.

“Amon-san…?”

“Go,” He said, turning away. “You’re very fortunate to have a friend like Hide.” He handed Kaneki his phone back who still confused by everything that had happened. Kaneki slowly nodded, turning away from the man as he opened the front door. Halfway through the door, Kaneki looked back.

Amon was staring at him, dark eyes staring at him as if he was searching for an answer. The Amon from his nightmare over lapped with the real one in front of him, black angry scribbles partially covering his face.

“Amon-san,” He found himself saying. “If I ever lose my sense of self, could you be the one to kill me?”

Kaneki wanted to take his words back almost instantly. He wasn’t completely sure why even he said it. Despite the circumstances that resulted in him becoming a half-ghoul, the rough encounter with Tsukiyama, he didn’t want to die. No matter how rough it got, Kaneki never once thought about dying.

But, somehow, Kaneki thought he wouldn’t mind if Amon were the one to end his life.

“When we fought… when I took a bite out of you, for a moment I understood why ghouls murdered. The taste is really indescribable, it’s addicting, sort of like compromise to the awful life we’re born in. And I could feel myself slipping.” Kaneki looked down at his hands, still able to recall the sweet taste of Amon’s flesh. He looked at Amon. “I think I would be okay if you were the one to kill me.”

“Why?” Amon asked.

Kaneki smiled, a little sadly. “If it’s you, I know the reason will be that I wasn’t able to remain human.”

It was silent between them before Amon eventually nodded, “Next week, do you want to meet again?”

Kaneki blinked, surprised at the invitation. He found himself turning red a bit and he nervously looked down, nodding to his invite then dashing out the door as fast as he could.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Amon, I really do
> 
> but goddamn he's still a tough character to write for
> 
> also, this is gonna have a bit of a slow build to it, whatever 'it' is leading up to


End file.
